I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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