Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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