i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
