he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
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It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
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Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize