is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
