Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
