I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize