If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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