Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
