Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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