guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
