people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
