i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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