i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
