Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
