Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
