Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
