Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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