Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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