the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
