from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
