Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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