my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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