weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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