i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
