He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
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I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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