Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
