You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
