If that was your dad, he is hot
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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