I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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