never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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