also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
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Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
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"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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