I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
