I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
