i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize