You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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