I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
