Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
