Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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