he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Mom said you looked used
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
