dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
