exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
