I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
