9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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