mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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