he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
