this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
