i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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