if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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