I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
