Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
