just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
