Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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