you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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