i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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