So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
