We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
