why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
