you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
