it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I had to cum in my sink.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
