Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize